My hands are trembling, tears are welling up in my eyes, and a mix of jitters is making it hard to write, but I feel the need to share what I’m going through. The situation right now looks bleak, and the future is uncertain. Still, I’m doing my best to stay positive and not panic as time ticks away. I keep reminding myself to stay strong and act like everything is normal.

My husband’s troubles started around midnight; he was restless and uncomfortable. He mentioned he was having difficulty urinating, with only a few drops coming out. He kept going in and out of the bathroom every ten minutes. After that, he struggled to walk, as if his right leg had tightened up.

As soon as morning came, I rushed him to the hospital for an urgent check-up with a urologist. The doctor performed a rectal exam and immediately felt a hard lump, raising concerns about prostate cancer. It was devastating, and it felt like my whole world had crumbled. We were both caught off guard; I was at a loss for words. We had come in thinking it was just a urinary tract infection

Immediately, his doctor recommended a biopsy the following day, the legitimate outcome to identify malignant growth. The biopsy result ”Grade 5 Advanced Prostate Cancer” with a Gleason score of 9. The outcome was so discouraging and painful that it destroyed any little optimism I had.

Following a nuclear imaging test, He underwent a bone scan at St. Luke’s Medical Center in Global City to investigate various bone issues. I held onto hope and prayed for favorable results but the findings indicated increased activity in the T8 right ilium, left shoulder, joints, and other areas as noted in the bone scan or skeletal scintigraphy report.

The schedule for the subsequent scan had already been established, a CT scan was planned to assess the extent of cancer dissemination and to accurately identify tumors and masses. The preliminary results were already disheartening and the delay in communicating the findings only exacerbated my anxiety. Malignancy was suspected in several regions, including the urinary bladder, liver, kidneys, hepatic lobes (segments 11, 11, and IV), sigmoid diverticulum, and esophagus.

Often, by the time cancer is found, it has already spread to other organs. I was hit hard with disappointment. I hope it’s not a particularly aggressive form of cancer, but I know that with modern diagnostic and preventive methods, there’s still a bit of hope. When cancer spreads, it requires more aggressive treatment. I realize that once it hits an advanced stage, it becomes untreatable, and the chances of survival drop significantly, which really scares me.

Cancer treatment is already complicated by the COVID-19 Pandemic breakout, you have to worry about adhering to the hospital’s health protocols as you receive increasingly extensive palliative care.

We continue to make treatment decisions as a team and he just completed Antigen Deprivation Therapy the doctor had recommended as a crucial step in halting the spread of cancer. What will work best for him among the available treatments is still unclear. From that point forward the next step is an infusion for possible skeletal issues. In addition to these, the doctor prescribed oral prostate medications, all of which are expensive treatments for advanced prostate cancer; bicalutamide bicapros (BiCAPS), abiraterone acetate (Abiraterone), and hydroxychloroquine (HCQ). Our problem here is the risks associated with oral and intravenous cancer treatments are now my primary concern.

This time, I turned to God in desperate prayers, looking for help and direction because I was surrounded by negative thoughts and feeling emotionally drained. The uncertainty of what lay ahead as the cancer progressed was frightening, but we were committed to completing the treatment in hopes of saving his life. Facing the final stage and the reality of his limited time left is a daunting thought. I often ask myself, “How much longer does my husband have?” Sometimes, I catch myself thinking, “Is this just a nightmare?” If it is, I wish someone would wake me up! The fear of losing him feels so overwhelming that I can’t help but think death would be the cruelest outcome.

We’re doing our best to keep things normal, staying committed to supporting each other no matter what lies ahead, hoping that the time we have left will be joyful. When I found myself alone and overwhelmed with worry, I turned to the internet to read about others who faced similar health challenges.

There’s really no choice but to accept what life has in store for us. I need to stay strong to meet his needs, which means closely monitoring his diet and ensuring we both eat healthy. I’m gathering all my strength to create a calm evening for our kids. Spending time with family is the most important thing right now. I just need to practice a little more patience and trust that everything will work out. I’m eager to connect with others who have been through similar situations.

Despite everything, being with my kids during this crucial time makes me feel less alone and fills me with hope for the future. I’m thankful for the love and support from my close friends and mentors who have guided me through these tough times. I want to give a shout-out to my family, siblings, friends, classmates, and my best friend nearby. Your support means the world to me. I share this in hopes of inspiring others, especially those who have faced similar challenges.

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