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A Time and Space to Grieve

By on March 22, 2022

When the morning star appeared in the eastern sky to herald the new day, the long journey of struggle was over, free from immense pain and no more suffering. He was silent as the breaking day. He had, at last, found the path to his eternal destination. It was the dawn of February 12 when he passed away. It has been more than a month now and still, pain is all I can feel.

Gene was diagnosed with Stage 4 Prostate Cancer but sadly, he died a year after. Recalling his parting words and requests on his deathbed were so much admiration and care for the whole family, it was the most emotional moment, it is with much a heartbreaking tone and tremendously difficult to take. He was conscious even on the verge of dying, it was really hard to see a dear one nearing the end of life, the last stage was so hurting, I can feel his tiredness that worsens all the time but we did the best we could but still, I’m not ready to let him go, he died two days before Valentine’s day, we had plans for that day, how hard to cope when someone you love was taken away, a reality so hard to accept. I totally hate goodbyes.

Mourning is another painful process to deal with, flashbacks and reflections keeps on coming back again and again. I can’t help but weep all the time. I know, it may take a year or forever to come to terms with a loss, it’s a scar that remains deep in my heart. I keep on recalling the meaningful memories we had before, the old life we lived so fondly together, our family outings in and out of the country, his kindness and thoughtfulness, his dedication and love for the family, and everyday life we shared together. I can feel his soft touch and his presence beside me, it’s really hard to move forward. I will miss him forever till the day we are together again.

Bedside in those final days

This is how tragic the loss of a loved one can be, it is very traumatic, my overwhelming sadness and emptiness. Currently getting through a hard time to return to normal life, the pain of grief and different emotions from shock and disbelief. I couldn’t eat and sleep and now, disrupting my physical condition. It’s hard to begin life again, more likely it takes long years to recover and life without him will never be the same again.

I hope the pain will lessen as we go on with life. I always have faith in God, He will provide us with hope and love. God will never abandon us during our times of grief. Life is for the living… I need more time and space to grieve. Pls. help me go through with it, it’s hard to move on. Help me stand again, I need words of COMFORT and ENCOURAGEMENT in the midst of grief.

Note:

Sharing my story to raise prostate cancer awareness.

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About the Author | My Indoor and Outdoor Photography | Technology/ Learning Tips

Real Life Story/ Advanced Prostate Cancer

By on February 4, 2021

At first, I don’t know where to start, I was confused as my tears rolling down my eyes, my hands are trembling, different tremors begin to interfere while writing but I felt the need to share my experience. Things don’t look good nowadays. I’m not sure what to do next, what the future holds, no one can tell what will happen but I’m trying to be in good spirit showing positive outlook to stay calm than countdown. I keep on encouraging myself like a brave soldier capable of must be seen up front showing a brave face and feeling.

A month ago, my husband was having a problem, the rushed need to urinate more often than usual at night, he’s having difficulty passing out. Days after, He was having a pain in the pelvic area radiating one leg. An immediate need for medical attention, I brought him to the hospital, skipping GP and straight to the urologist, it was our first visit and treatment started immediately. After receiving medical history, the doctor immediately performed Digital Rectal Exam (DRE) to check for any abnormalities inside. Shortly after, the doctor discovered a hard spot inside and I was shocked to hear the immediate result” It’s a suspicious prostate cancer” Our first visit was very stressful following diagnostic test of Prostate urinalysis and (PSA) Prostate Specific Antigen, the findings of PSA level was extremely high associated with a chance of having prostate cancer but because it is still just a suspicion, there’s still hope that the next screening test would be better because I was told by a certain friend that PSA is not always accurate to conclude. A number of reasons to continue and follow for the next procedure.

Comes next the (MRI) Magnetic Resonance Imaging performed at the hospital (St. Luke’s Medical Center Global city) it was a painless procedure that lasted for 2 hours. To go ahead with the plan, we signed a consent form, he was asked to remove all things that will effect the magnetic imaging. Two days after we received the result from my email add. I was bothered because the interpretation can be seen immediately and it was a detailed result of” T4 N1 M1” and back to the doctor for the official reading and again it was big blow.

I firmly believed to hope that it won’t be known until the next stage, the initial test suggests sample tissue to confirm. Not too long, Biopsy was done -to find out if the cancer is really present. The biopsy result ” Grade 5 Advanced Prostate Cancer’‘ with a Gleason score of 9. it was a very disappointing and heartbreaking result breaking down my courage to hope completely.

To continue with the remaining test, The Bone Scan or Skeletal Scintigraphy report’‘ Increased activity noted in T8 right ilium and left, shoulder, joints etc.

The CT Scan was performed, this is to check how far the cancer has spread and to pinpoint the definite location of masses and tumors. The delay in releasing the result was even more disappointing thinking something bad was found in the scans. The impression was malignancy from the urinary bladder to hepatic cyst, bilateral renal mass, hepatic lobes segment 11,11 and 1v, sigmoid diverticulosis etc..

At the time of the diagnosis, cancer has metastasized to the distant organs. I was dismayed breaking down. I just hope it’s not a fast moving cancer however, with the advances of treatment and routine screening, there’s still hope. Once cancer has spread in distant areas, it needs a more aggressive treatment. It’s hard to cure once reaches the advanced stage, I know that it couldn’t be cured and survival rate will fall.

With the COVID-19 Pandemic outbreak, cancer treatment is very difficult, it’s hard to sort out things ahead of time adding the hospital health protocols to follow as you need more supportive care.

Ongoing treatment, we make decisions together, The Antigen Deprivation Therapy was done, receiving this kind of therapy as the doctor suggested is very important to stop cancer cells from spreading. There are many treatment options or what will be best work for him. The Bone injection is the next to follow, this is to delay the skeletal complications. Aside from the two The doctor prescribed Oral prostate medications; Bicalutamide Bicapros, AHCC, Abiraterone Acetate which are all costly medicines for advanced prostate cancer. What worries me now are the side effects of cancer treatments both intravenous and oral.

When alone with too much worrying, I turned to search, reading stories of people who had similar health issue and in the end of the story, it was all very disappointing. No choice but to accept fate of what is already destined in life.

This time as I was associated with negative hopes and emotionally needy, I turned to God in prayers urgently seeking God’s help and guidance, for him to answer all my prayers and have faith in him. It was a worrying time awaiting on what to expect as the cancer progresses, we will continue with the remaining treatment to save his dear life. I hate to think of the end stage, the life expectancy . How long my husband has left to live? I sometimes ask myself” is this a dream? if so, pls wake me up! it led me to believe the cruel thing would be death, how scary hard to take.

In the meantime, we are trying to live normally as if nothing happened, we continue to support each other whatever lies ahead. We can beat this! I would always be an optimist, that is looking forward through the brighter side. We will continue to have a good life and partnership, the remaining time has to be best memorable every second, we will always be together as we hold on to what is already destined.

When faced with this kind of distressed, I really need to be strong so I can take care of his needs, watch his diet serving him healthy foods as well as mine too in order to be in the best position to take care of him. I’m trying to be strong to organize things quietly for the family, a quality time for all of us. There is no better way of spending your time during these times than being with your family. I need to be more caring and patient among other things and God will do the rest. I hope to hear from others who have been through the same process.

Throughout all this, at this critical time, when I’m with friends, it makes me feel I’m not alone, it makes me feel hopeful for the future to come. My closed friends and mentors gave me an idea on what to do, what to expect, I appreciate the love and care through the toughest times. Thank you very much dear friends, my sisters and brother, my classmates, my bff. Thank you very much! I hope others will read my story to give them hope especially to those who’s been in similar situation.

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About the Author

About the Author

By on October 6, 2011

Welcome to Live, Life and Love Hi! I’m Mari. My blog is all about me, my experience, wildlife, photography, travel and adventure, culture, tradition and other people that will give you a better perspective of the time in which you live. In here, You’ll discover the things I love most and passionate about, it was a clearer picture me. I just want to treat myself  happy with the things around, appreciating and embracing different elements drawing from my experience. Definitely, I’m learning from it.

I usually focus to more educational and informative topics expressing my own thoughts using my own words, ideas, and honest statements. Included here are my collection of facts and dreams with beautiful photographs to make it visible for your inspiration and browsing pleasure to inspire you day after day.

I would like to share my stories with the world, with photographs that will serve as a support to see and understand details of what is being described. This is  to share reality and speak from experience whether, it is something new or unfamiliar,not stories have been retold many times.To see the photograph itself, you can surely make your own thoughts and my feelings visible to share with you and my  site serves to store my thoughts and ideas. Of course, I can tell a lot of things by looking at the photographs alone following my explanation to achieve my purpose  even though,  photographs can speaks for itself, the author can simply fill up the missing part of it.

This is what I want to do in my life, to write, share my learning and stories to make you a part of it. When you come to know more about yourself, you’ll know what you can offer to the world. This is what I can offer to you!

I feel great to share with you not only my interesting stories but also to inspire you viewing  spectacular and timeless photos. Read my articles about  the birds, with my conservation message,and my lifelong dedication and contribution to wildlife.Thank you readers for the positive feedback.I have learned a lot from you. I will post 3 to 4x a week.

If you have concerns and suggestions,I want to hear from you.

Feel free to contact me https://www.livelifeandlove.com/

Note:  If there is any oversight may have been made is unintentional and will be corrected.  If there is any resemblance to any actual place, events, locales or persons is entirely coincidental.

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